barking mad, barking soft

from speaking in empty corridors by divya

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about

this is probably about whatever you think it's about. i know, i know.

lyrics

i know how you feel about your mother
and this house that won’t let you go
i know how you want to shed all your skin
and begin once again. what happened
to being young and hopeful
to being the resistance
to bringing me roses
in my apartment
what happened to the mornings we thought we’d have
in sunstained chairs, doing the crossword
and talking about politics
fearing fascism but ready to fight it
how you cut yourself
out of your blood relatives’ expectations
and forged a new family for yourself.
but here we are now
here we are now
here we are
alive but only just. like differential calculus.
you, a jailbird, wings speckled a billion different colours
but still not permitted to fly. i let you rest
on my shoulder, eat from my palm.
these are things i do in the name of love.
i have the loneliness of a wolf inside me
and it festers. i put my hand on your cheek.
i think of broken glass, of us at 19
when anything seemed possible
and death was just a punchline
to a joke neither of us was making.
i think of us like this:
mist-woven dreamboys. mistaking smoke & mirrors
for the river styx, rabid in love but filled up with fear
and a hollow emptiness that comes from growing up
with regulations on love. your mother
cannot hurt you again, but i can
and you know this
you fear this
but you have nothing to fear, anymore.
we are not young enough for fistfights. i would much rather
fall asleep in your arms, pretending that i can ignore
the taste of blood in my mouth, letting the smell
of cigarettes and wildflowers and wet dog
take me back to an era when things didn’t hurt like this
when everything was sweet, not bittersweet, not bitter.
not coated with shadows of things lost. but it’s fine.
let’s not talk about your mother anymore. whatever else we lost,
somewhere in this house that dreams of your demise
we found each other. this time, i will not let you go.

credits

from speaking in empty corridors, released December 14, 2018

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

divya India

19, queer in every possible sense of the word. poet, dreamer & some sort of artist.

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